my bloody valentine movie reviews

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part 1 of my bloody valentine movie review click my bloody valentine 3d movie review

part 2

My Bloody Valentine: 3-D isn't the most sophisticated horror film ever. In fact, it's about as generic as they come. The film takes place in a small ironically named community where everyone is white, stupid, and drunk. A terrible tragedy occurs that kills everyone involved except for the mentally unstable psychopath, and most of the residents have a bad habit of being impaled with a pick axe while doing something completely idiotic. Do films this inane even deserve a synopsis?

The selling point this time around is given away in the title: the film is captured in 3-D. There's been a lot of speculation and buzz in recent weeks surrounding the revival of 3-D films, including revelations that companies like DreamWorks and people like James Cameron are intending to only work in 3-D from now on. Bearing this in mind, I went into MBV:3D searching for a tech demo instead of an actual movie.

3-D is created through cameras that capture the scene using two side-by-side lenses spaced about an eyeball's width apart in order to mimic the way human eyes work. With the goofy glasses on, the image comes into focus giving the image on screen depth. With the glasses off, the picture is blurry and fuzzy. It's a neat trick to be sure, but that's all it really is. Depending on where you're sitting, the 3-D becomes incredibly painful after a while. Viewing angles play a big role in the experience, so it's best to sit in the middle instead of off to the side (which is where I normally sit).

The 3-D creates an appreciable depth, that is to say you can judge distance between objects in the background relative to the foreground, etc. The best uses of the gimmick are when Mr. Gas Mask hurls his pickaxe or when glass breaks and shatters. Actually, there is this one neat moment where an idle hand with blood dripping from the fingertips came into my corner of the screen, and it was convincing enough for me to think that my nachos got a nice crimson dressing. So really 3-D enhances the startling power of quick cuts (no pun intended), but that's all it's good for. You might flinch at the occasional bit of debris or metal spike, but don't expect to be able to grope a pair of bosoms.

The film outside the gimmicky 3-D is decidedly sub-par. The acting is terrible, the dialogue is predictable, and the score is your standard out of tune shrieks. The story on the other hand is actually somewhat inspired even if it is destroyed by the director's own ineptitude. The ending is a bit of a twist, but it's more of a "well the whole movie was pretty pointless then, wasn't it?" instead of the desired "golly that sure was great!" variety.

Fun Facts
- Filming in 3-D normally adds an additional 10-15 million dollars to the production budget.
- A ticket for a 3-D film will costs a few dollars more than a normal ticket.
- 3-D films are worthless to pirates since they're virtually impossible to endure without those stupid glasses.
- I don't think this is my best review either.

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